no big.. just click here to see the video and then answer this question:
which do you prefer?
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in
On 8:27 on Feb. 19th 2000. Hanan and her ten year old daughter Sarah went to have breakfast at her friends’ house.
On the front seat of the car sat Sarah with her mother who was driving in silence. With Sarah staring out of the window obviously in deep thought.
“Does she have to live at the end of the country?” finally asked Sarah the question that she wanted to ask.
“Sarah. It’s not the end of the country, it’s just Qurain.” answered her mother with laughing eyes.
“Qurain is after Subah El-Salim, right?” asked Sarah and was rewarded by a nod.
“Well Subah El-Salim is at the end of the country. So that means that Qurain is not only at the end of the country, but it’s at the country border.” said Sarah while turning to look at her mother.
“Are you really that upset about coming with me?” asked Hanan in a sad tone.
“No mom. I’m just a little cranky because *someone* woke me up at 7:30 to go to a high school reunion that I---”
“College! College... we were friends at college, not high school. Get your fact straight.” Interrupted her mother.
“Alright mom, whatever makes you feel younger.” said Sarah as she turned once again to stare out of her window.
“I heard that.” Hanan said as she continued to drive.
“Well that’s a good thing mom; at least you still have your hearing.” said Sarah sarcastically.
“Why do I have to come anyway?” curiously Sarah asked her mother before she got a chance to reply.
“Because she has a daughter that’s the exact same age as you. And we thought that you might be friends…”
“I bet she’s asleep right now” said Sarah miserably.
All she got from that remark was a chuckle.
AT THE HOUSE:
As soon as Hanan told Sarah that they were about to arrive, her heart started to pound in her chest, suddenly feeling nervous. She always felt nervous when she was about to meet new people. Her mother saw when they were in front of the house and put her hand on her head and pulled her for a hug.
“Don’t worry, they’re gonna love you.” said Hanan with an encouraging smile.
“What’s not to love?” Sarah tried to hide her nervousness with a little humor, but her voice gave out on her in the end.
“Exactly.” Replied Hanan as she started to lead her into the house with her arms around her shoulder.
“And this is my daughter Sarah.” said Hanan with a smile on her face.
“Ohmigod! You’re so beautiful! How are you?” said her mothers’ friend while kissing her on both Sarah’s cheeks.
“I’m ok. How are you?” replied Sarah with a shy smile on her face.
“I’m just fine… oh Hanan she looks just like you.” she said directing her attention back to her mother. The only reply she got was a smile.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and hang out with Lulu, eh?” Hanan asked Sarah while looking into her friends eyes.
“Oh yeah absolutely, she’s watching TV I think, just go up the stairs to the left. I’ll call her now and tell her you’re going up.” she said as Sarah got up and made her way to the stairs.
“See I told that she wasn’t asleep.” Hanan told Sarah in teasing voice.
As she was about to go up the stairs Sarah turned to look at her mother for encouragement. The only thing she saw was a nod and kind smile, she turned her head to look at her mothers’ friend and saw that she had picked up the phone and was talking to someone. Probably her..
As she was walking up the stairs, she heard the TV and decided to follow the sound. As she arrived at the first floor she took two steps and turned left to find a girl that looked about her age sitting on a chair with her back resting on the arm rest with her legs dangling on the other.
As if sensing her presence the girl turned her head and smiled as they held each others eyes. She got up from the chair and went over to Sarah, and reached out and took her and said “I’m Lulu” with a smile on her face.
“Sarah.” was the only thing she said.
“Hehe, I figured as much. You know my mom made me wake up at 8:30 because of you.” Lulu said with a smile.
“You’re lucky, I got up at 7:30.” replied Sarah with a laugh. Soon Lulu joined her.
“OK you win. Come sit down let’s talk.” Said Lulu as she led her to the sofa.
---------------------------------
At that moment our friendship began. And it continued to grow for six years and hopefully will continue to grow for twenty more.
You were so nice to me that day. You still are. And I think it rubbed off on me.
We've learnt so much from each other, mostly badliyat. Since surprisingly we both don't know how to speak Arabic very well. LOL!
I can’t explain how glad I am that my mom made me come to your house that day.
I found my soul mate because of what she did. I owe her big time because of that.
We’ve made sooo many pacts together that are too many to count. We promised that our daughters would be best friends. We promised to graduate together. We promised that we would always tell each other everything. We promised that we would grow old together and stay friends forever. And I have a good feeling that we will. I have a feeling that we’ll be just like our mothers. Which I find is a good thing…don’t look so SHOCKED! YES I said it!!
Anyway…
So today is your birthday. I wish you a life time of happiness and joy. And I hope your dreams come true. Cause you deserve it.
Happy birthday Luluwy.
Love ya.
But it's alright
Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends
Looking around me, I see a place where there was warmth and safety once. So full of memories that I will cherish forever. This place was a home. My home. I've experienced so many things in this house that I will never forget even if I wanted to. I've made things that I still have as well as things that I've lost. I've cried as much as I laughed. It is a wonderful place to have grown up in.
All I see are the silhouettes of my bed and desk. It looks so lifeless, and I can't imagine how nobody has come in here for so long.
I stare at the bed. And what the heck lay down on the bed. And I do what I usually do. I stare at the ceiling. I sigh, feeling content.
I look to my right, and I see my prized possession, my desk. I stand and walk around to it.
I stop in front of my desk and slide my hand on the surface. I stare in awe at the desk. Everything's just the way I left it. There's a picture frame that I never used and pens and other things.
I open the drawer and I find the notebook that was once my diary and open the last page I've written.
Dear diary,
As of today, I will no longer write to you. It's not because I don't want, but because I don't see the point anymore. I don’t think I have the strength for it. I leave my dreams and thoughts in this notebook… I don't have time for this anymore.
Goodbye..
"There you are. You ready to go?"
"Yep, just saying goodbye."
I turn to head for the door when I remember. I go back to the desk and pick up the picture frame that I never used. Wanting to take a piece of my past with me.
The weird thing is I still feel the same thing I felt the time I lived here, At home.
"Why do you have dust all over you?"
They turn red. Cars start to stop. While I'm crossing the street, I see a guy in a BMW who seems to be scolding his girlfriend maybe? I avert my eyes away from them and keep crossing the street. When I get to the other side of the street I hear the thunder more clearly. It's getting closer. And I forgot my jacket. Damnit. Well I'm definitely not going back to the apartment to him. I guess I'll just freeze to death. No big. My world already fell apart. Dieing won't change anything. I wrap my arms around myself to keep from the cold. And keep moving forward.
I look at my left and I see more trees, but if I look past the trees I can see a field of wheat. With a dog there following what seemed to be some kind of insect that's too small to see, with its owner behind him.
I look at the direction of the lake and I see people moving away from it. At least I now have a place to sit. And I walk to the lake.
"Honey let me explain…" began her husband hesitantly.
"I don't think it needs any explaining. Thank you." she said interrupting him.
"Look I just want you to know that it meant nothing to
"Oh ok. So it's just a dick thing?" she asked.
"Well… yeah, I guess." not knowing what to say.
"You guess… so umm...tell me. How long has...this meaningless affair been going on?" she asked him while at the same time crossed her arms.
"Not long…" he said looking at the ground.
"I don't know, a couple of months, a year?"
At that she was able to look at him. "A year? You have cheating on me with a twelve year old for a – "she stopped what she was saying when a thought had struck her.
"Ohmigod. Please tell me that you didn't cheat on me because of what happened last year." She begged him to tell her. All of a sudden her eyes started to tear up.
"Please tell I'm wrong. Tell me that it was just a coincidence." she said as she took a couple of steps to stand in front of him. "Is it?" she asked him one more time.
The only answer she got from him was silence.
"You cheated on me because I couldn't give you *children*?" her tears were falling on their own now. Her control over her feelings was out the window. And she didn't care anymore. She was hurt. She was humiliated. She was mad. But most of all, she was heartbroken.
"I love you too. But I don't trust you anymore. And I can't stay married to someone I don't trust, and who's unfaithful."
"Look you can't just leave. We have to talk this through." He said with emotion evident in his voice
"What else is there to talk about? I just… need some space to think…things through.” she said and closed the door.
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain