Wednesday, December 28, 2005

getting it out of my system

here i am again writing something that i've suppressed for a while... i can't let out my hurt feelings, cause then i'll hurt some one else's feelings, and i can't do that, then i'll feel guilty, and feel bad, and the only way to not hurt someones feelings is by not saying anything about it.
so here i am leting it all out in secret.
i've heard that suppressing your feelings is bad for you, but if i suppress it nobody will get hurt, and nobody will know that i'm the one who's hurting in the first place. they don't need to know that. i don't want them to know that i'm feeling this , cause then they won't know anything about me except what i let them see...
is that wrong to not let them see who you truly are? or is it okay that i'm keeping my feelings inside that no one would know how i truly feel?
i am sitting here thinking of what i should do. and i am so confused that it hurts my head.
this is so pathetic of me.. to feel this, but i'm only doing this because i don't want to seem weak.
just tell me if this is wrong.
so my last question is:
do i have a right to feel this way?

Sunday, December 25, 2005

chrismas on a rainy day

i thought that if it was chrismas nothing would make it more perfect than snow, but here in Kuwait we don't get snow, all we get is rain, dust and fog, plus all the heat.
i have never seen so much rain in one day. my friend says that it's gonna keep raining for 24 hours!. and it's been raining since yesterday and it's gonna keep raining till tomorrow.
talk about rainy days..
this is a new thing for me to see rain for 48 hours straight which is why i am so happy but at
the sametime bumbed..

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

my most recent thoughts

these past few days have been quite boring and a little quite...
and i was thinking how typical my days are and that i've been doing the same thing over and over.
i get up for school. go to school. finish school and wait for my brother to come and pick me up. my brother picks me up.go home.spend a few minutes with my mom. go up to my room and surf the net for 3-4 hours. have a little snack. watch TV for a while and by the time i finish watching TV my sister would've finished work and was on her way.
and then i would hang out with her until 9:30. then listen to some music on my iPOD for half an hour then i would fall asleep.
and that is what i do on my week days.
how lifeless could my life be?
that's why i'm makig some changes.
but i'll still surf the net for 3-4 hours :P

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

inner flood

here's something funny to light your day.
my house is now a water park!
can you believe that?!
apparently the water pipe in the bathroom burst and the damn maid didn't hear the *whoosh* sound when water is falling on the floor violently...
so i come back from school and i hear my shoe hit the water and i'm like 'what the..?'
and the whole carpet is wet with water. so i go to see what the hell is going on and i'm thinking is this some wierd joke gone bad?
and the hall way,dining room, living room and my room's floor is all wet plus the bathroom floor where this whole fiasco started and the floor is wet and ruined everything that came in it's path
and one of those things were: DVDs, VHSs and more crap that's precious to us.
and there i am thinking could this get any worse? and you know that whenever you say that it turns out that it could, and it is.
the TV, VCR, DVD player and the family computer's wires could be ruined..
but thankfully nothing was damaged except my little brother who fell (LOL!)
other than these things my day was pretty much normal..

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Birthday girl!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!
hehe finally i have waited soo long...
now i can't wait for this day to end... how ironic!
anyway i shall be expecting my gifts in the mail. if there is no gift i will accept cash (no less than 5 K.D :P )

Thursday, December 08, 2005

what would you do...?

Fate has a way of changing people’s life, whether it was good or bad. You can’t change fate because you don’t know what the future would bring your way.
That’s what she knew. She knew she couldn’t cheat fate to go where she always wanted. So she just went with what happened and moved on. But she always hoped that once she could just get what she always wanted…and that is to be known in the world. For people to know that she’s alive, that she is someone in the world. Not just a name but a whole person. Even though she has enough friends and the best life any one would dream of, it wasn’t enough. She felt isolated and trapped. She felt that she didn’t have enough space to do her thing. Which is to write just one novel and she would never ask for anything else.
If she just got a chance to publish her novel, she would take it in a heart beat, and do it with much enthusiasm and energy. And she didn’t care about where or when or how she had to write it. She just wants to write.
Even though she knew there was a possibility that this might not happen, she kept on writing before going to bed, and prayed that her only dream would come true.
On the day of her high school graduation, a man came to her and asked her a simple question:
“Would you rather follow your dream that might not come true? Or live life the fullest?”
Now of course she didn’t know what to say, because she knew that sometimes your dreams don’t come true, and sometimes you have to make your dream come true with work and time but she knew her answer. So she said:
“I’d choose living my life to the fullest. Because to me, living my life the fullest is to take a chance at a dream that might not come true. But I still believe that even though my future doesn’t include my dream coming true. I’ll still hope and keep on dreaming on that it will come true.”
She said every word with such emotion, and so much hopes that it made the man in front of her smile.
Then the man thanked her and walked out of her life. And she never saw that man again.
After that she couldn’t stop thinking about her answer to that question, because she would never have thought to say that.
She would go to where ever fate brought her. She wouldn’t go against fate to make her dream come true, but after she thought about it she remembered that you decide what to do with your life not fate. There might not even be fate to take you where you have to go.
So after graduation she went to college and finished her novel that she had started years ago and went to a publisher and gave him her novel and waited for an answer to what would happen to her future.
Her dream came true eventually but not at first. But it had come true and she was thrilled to finally have her only dream come true.
Her novel was about her life and what she had to go through for her dream to become a reality.
She dedicated the book to the man from graduation, because he changed her view on life.
She thought she could never get her way with life, and with one simple question she changed.
And her final quote was:
“Would you rather follow your dream that might not come true? Or live life the fullest?”
What would you do?

Saturday, December 03, 2005

the computer broke down...

last week as i was about to connect i got caught up in a snag. i couldn't open the friggin' computer which ofcourse made me a little mad (are you sensing the sarcasm?)
but whatever, they got it fixed and here i am telling you how boring these past few days (or probably weeks) has been...
in a nut shell: it's very boring.
well the best thing about it is that i got a laptop.(wahoo!)
i just realized something... i have a very boring life.
thank you and good night!