She is never perfect.
She is hopeless.
She sits in her bathroom crying knowing that it is the only place where she feels safe enough to let the tears fall.
She is a doormat that will do everything –even though she doesn't want to- with a smile for you, and she will never ask for anything in return because she knows she will never receive it.
Why does she do this? Who the hell knows.
They tell her what to do, but they don't tell her how to do it. And when she doesn't do it right, they scold her. And she feels bad about it – even though she knows it's not her fault- still she cries. Why? No idea.
She hides her pain and sadness behind a smile so that nobody can see.
On the outside she is always calm, collected, and happy, in control, when inside she is broken into pieces.
She says right. They say left. She insists on right. They tell her forget right its left.
She goes left, even though she knows it' actually right. Still she does what they tell her.
She would do anything for you, but wouldn't ask for anything in return.
She will always be there for you, but are you ever there? You never were.
They would expect nothing but failure from her, she knows it, but she hides her knowledge. Why would someone do something like that? I have no idea.
She is surrounded by friends and family and she is still lonely.
Why she wants to fit in and be accepted is a mystery.
She wants to write so much more, but there is too many to write and not enough space for it. Maybe another time.
She wrote this because she couldn't keep it in anymore. Crying wasn't enough this time. She wanted to let it out into the world (sort of)
And after this she will go on pretending to be someone she isn't.
And she is me.
4 comments:
zHmm… if I rip my heart open too, that’s what would come out! Utter loneliness although I am surrounded by a good bunch of caring n’ loving people yet for some weird reason I feel estranged.. it’s as if they don’t understand.
Unfortunately, simple- openhearted people get stepped on and considered weak; I wish I could advise you bas el7al men ba3do! I reached the point that I completely shut people away because I don’t wanna see, hear o know crap, I don’t want to be bossed around or let people get their way because am sick n’ tired of being on a leash if one could say… allah kareem and have faith n’ trust in God and never give up and leave hope take its way in your heart and hopefully, mine!
="( wow!!
it's like .. you read my heart ..
chikapappi:
yeah.. i guess
anonymous:
i don't know wether to be happy or sad of the fact that i'm not alone..
Mishmisha,
I came across your blog from inkaleidoscope, and I must tell you that you're a very good writer, I mean I can see a talent hidden underneath these words..
This post has a lot of feelings, unrealized, unfulfilled, and unsaid, I mean it kept me wondering who would feel like this, OR when do we feel like this sometimes?
Keep up the good work
Cheers
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