My Refuge.

Sitting in the corner of my room, where I consider it my refuge. I cry. Not knowing the reason for my falling tears. But they fall none the less, leaving a trail of fire on my face, across my cheeks, on my chin, and then falling on the ground.

I keep on crying for another half hour. Still not knowing why I'm even sitting in the far corner. Why am I hiding? Why do I feel ashamed?

I lift my head from my knee and look around. I suddenly feel distant. I stand up and lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

I'm tired. I'm really tired of it all. I tried so hard to be the daughter they've always wanted me to be. And some days I can't be myself so that I can make them happy. I've given up my dreams for them. I've done everything humanly possible to make them proud of me. But I guess it's normal if they're never satisfied with what I've done.

They think I'm happy. They see a totally different person. Now I remember the reason why I'm in here. They asked too much of me. They expected too much. And I couldn't do it. And I couldn't handle it anymore. I just had to get away from them.

This is my entire fault you know? I just can't bare hurting people's feelings, especially my parents. I just love making them happy. But sometimes they cross the line of sanity. They would expect the craziest things.

I lift me head from the pillow and listen. They're calling me. I wipe my eyes quickly and walk to the mirror, and check my eyes for any evidence of my earlier distress. I breathe deeply and exhale slowly. I try to smile, but it doesn't go all the way to my eyes, it never did. I turn and leave.

Everyday I sit at that corner and cry, Feeling miserable and lonely, while they go on with their daily routine. I'd cry for being something that I'm not, for being someone that I never wanted to be and who I wasn't. After I'd finish crying, I'd wish I could cry forever. For when I'm crying, I'm finally being myself. And I never wanted to be anything else.

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why