Friday, June 23, 2006

Untitled

She walked confidently out of the room, tears in her eyes. Don't cry. You're not gonna cry. Who you kidding? You're already crying…
Heading to the bathroom she opened the door and locked it, and started pacing, Trying to stop the tears from falling, but to no avail. The tears started to fall on their own. She didn't like this feeling, knowing that she couldn't control her own emotions, but that they controlled her. She hated that feeling, because she was always in control.
She continued pacing feeling frustrated about everything; that she was crying for something so small, and that she couldn't do anything about it
and because this F#!%ing bathroom is so *tiny*! How am I supposed to move around? There's no space to move! God how I hate this place!
Suddenly she turned around and bent on the ground and grabbed the tissue box, and as she stood up again she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, quickly sitting down on the toilet seat, not bearing to see that person. She felt sick. Who is that girl? Is that really me? What she saw was a teary eyed pathetic version of herself. And after seeing herself like that she started crying all over again. Sobbing quietly, gasping at every intake of air, feeling her tears running down her chin and dropping on her lap.
She had never felt this miserable and ashamed in her life. She's tried. She tried very hard. Not hard enough obviously. Nothing was good enough. Everything she did either was wrong or had a flaw in it. She was never good enough, even though they don't have high expectation. They think that she won't make it. They *know* not think.
She was exhausted both physically and emotionally. She got up and started the water to wash her face. Trying to avoid catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she thought she looked worse than she was before. Her eyes stung and her nose was runny. She finished as quickly as possible and went to dry her face with a towel.
She would try harder and she will make them happy and proud of her. If I have anything to do with it. She got out of the bathroom and made the small walk to her room. She could do it; she could do anything if she put her mind to it.


Or could she?

No comments: