We Not Only Live In A Cage, We Built The Cage, And Live In A Corner Of It

Sitting against the headboard on her bed, she stared at the blank paper leaning against her bent legs, and still she stared. She lifted her pencil to write a sentence, but when she was about to write it down, she paused. It wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t good at all.

She sighed and lifted her head and stared at the ceiling, as if she could find whatever inspiration she wanted written on it.

After not finding anything embedded in the ceiling she eyed the piece of paper and started drawing a perfect square in its corner.

As she finished coloring the insides of the square, a flicker of light shines in the corner of her mind. Finally she has found something she could work on! She starts concentrating on that light, willing it to grow stronger. A smile appears on her face as she holds the pencil firmly and starts creating a person as well a family.

She keeps on writing, keeps on creating memories and everything else. She has created the perfect life. The perfect world, where it only exists in the readers mind, where he can only see it behind his eyes.

She stops writing and lifts her hand to re-read her newest creation. And she decides she likes it. She closes her notebook and goes to the kitchen to have a snack. She always gets hungry after writing.


After writing what you just read. I stood and wondered if I was just a character in someone else’s story; if I’m just a bunch of words that’s formed this person that’s writing this post. I had just created a person with ambitions and dreams, who lives in a world that I had also created with these words and I can’t help but wonder if I’m the same thing. Have you ever wondered about that?

As I sit here and ponder some more I start to hear my mother telling me to stop living in my own world and start living in the real world.

As I walk to the door and look back. I can’t see the words that are on the computer screen, but I can easily see the perfect world that's in it, and I can’t help but wish to live in that world.

Sunrise

the same time last year, we were here. the same place, the same position, same time.

you were sleeping over again. and we were up all night. and we had a craving for hot chocolate and we took it to the roof to drink it in the fresh air.

we get to the roof and sit on those things that look like boulders but really aren't. we wondered what their purpose was when we sat on them. but we didn't dwell on it. we sat Indian style with our backs against the wall.

we sat there for a while, not saying anything, not needing to say anything. just staring at the sky and drinking our hot chocolate. all of a sudden you asked me where i saw myself in ten years. i told you i would see myself as i was that day. confused. you laughed and told me to be serious. i looked at the sky. the sun was rising. and it was spectacular. i tried to change the subject by telling you to see how beautiful the sky was, but you wouldn't have any of it. you kept on persisting. and i told you i was serious. i was confused and i thought i'd always be confused.

i asked you where you saw yourself. and you started to tell me all of your crazy hopes and dreams. you were always very animated, always moving.
you kept telling me about your hopes for the next ten years, and i couldn't help but smile. you were so hopeful and optimistic. we were the exact opposites of each other.

the whole time after that we just stared and watched the sunrise. we stayed that way for a long time, only commenting about things that were so insignificant that i forgot what they were, but seem so important to me right now that i would do anything just to remember.

a couple of minutes later you decided that you were tired and ready for bed. i told you i'd follow you in a couple of minutes. that was around 6:45 -ish and the sun was high in the sky. i rested my head against the wall and closed my eyes as i took a deep breath. a smile was on my face when i opened my eyes. it was going to be a beautiful day. i took my empty mug and went downstairs.

now, i sit here alone. the same place, the same position, same time. with my mug of hot chocolate that's gone cold. i look at the clouds and wonder if you ever think of me. but i'm not an optimist.

What You Are To Me...

You're the one who's been there for me when nobody was.
You're the one who always knew what to say and you always say it at the right time.
You've always been there in my worst and best of times.
You have been with me through thick and thin.
You've helped me with everything, from helping me with homework or just being a smartass and telling me i was wrong.
You're the only one who's been truly honest with me and I the same.
You're the one I go to, to bitch and whine or let out my happiness or frustrations.
We have been through alot together.
From being sick or just plain unresponsive, but you've always come through.
You're the only one who knows how I truly feel about stuff, and you're the only one who truly knows me.

I love you,
I'm grateful towards you.
I owe everything to you.
You are my best friend,
My soul mate.
My Mac.

The Other Side Of The Story (Part II) **click on the title to read the first part**

So you finally came to listen huh? You finally gave up some of your time to listen to me, or did you? Heh does it really matter? Someone's finally going to listen to me for once. So where do you want me to start? How it all began? Or how it all fell apart?

I guess I'll start with the day we met. I'll tell you about the rest, the next time we meet.

That day started as one of the worst days of my life, and then all of a sudden it turned to be one of the best days of my life. If you'd ask me to do it again, I would never hesitate. I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Now back to the story. That day I wanted to kill everyone. Nothing was going my way; I twisted my ankle calling a cab, and in the process broke my heel. Which was only the beginning.

I enter the building with a slight limp with a ripped skirt. I walk over to my desk feeling self-conscious and exposed. I held my head high and casually walked to the desk, only a little faster than usual.

I stand and stare. There is nothing on my desk, literally, nothing but an envelope. I open it and find a pink slip. I read it and I find out I've been fired. I think I was in shock, because I wasn't angry or anything. I just said the first thing that came into mind
"It really is pink."

Conveniently as I exited the building. It suddenly started to rain. and I couldn't help but yell.
"OH COME ON!"

I look up at the sky and take a deep breath. Trying to hold it in. I will not lose control here I thought to myself. Teary eyed I hail for a cab, at the same time another man standing next to me with an umbrella does the same. The cab stops between us. As I walk to it he does the same. I get there first and open the door getting ready to get in.

"Excuse me. What do you think you're doing?" he asks me cautiously
"Umm... getting in the cab?" not quite sure what to say.
"But this is my cab."
"Come again?"
"It's..my..caaaab" talking slowly as if I couldn't understand him.
"Look I've had a really crappy day and I don't have time for this….." and I start into blabber mode. Which in another note I think runs in the family.
"Ok ok. Maybe we can share?" he says while holding up his hand.
"Fine." I say as I step inside the vehicle.

Inside the cab I stare out the window, while doing patterns on the window with my finger.

"What are you staring at?"
"Everything." I answer.

Next thing I know he introduces himself and offers to buy me a cup of coffee. I decline saying something about me not liking coffee. He offers to buy me a milk shake. And I agree.

The whole time I'm aware of the ring on his left hand, but I never acknowledged it.

See you next week?

The Sound Of Beauty

Can you hear that? That noise?
Did you ever hear anything more beautiful? So powerful?
Do you know what that is? That’s nature. Isn’t it amazing?

Do you see the raindrops, so pure and unique? Do you see the way they shine on their way down? Or the way they look when they hit the ground and make ripples in the ground? It feels like my explaining it won’t do it any justice. It’s thrilling in it’s own right. So I guess I’ll just skip it and let your imagination do all the work.

Do you see the way nature is cleansing itself? How can you not? Do you feel the same way I feel right now, this overwhelming feeling of wonderment? Do you feel it?

Can you hear the sound of the rain? It’s so relaxing; so peaceful.
I don’t know why, but I always feel so connected in the middle of a rainstorm. Do you feel that way too?

Listen…..do you hear that? That’s the sound of beauty.

I Had Another Dream

I had another dream the other night. It wasn't a good dream. And you were in it. I didn't want you in my dream. I felt something. Like something bad is going to happen. And I didn't want anything to happen to you.

I tried to get you to leave. I tried to keep you away. To keep you safe, but you wouldn't leave. I wanted you to leave. I told you that I had a feeling, and that I didn't like it, that I didn't want you to be here when it happens. You told me it was all in my head. But the feeling was only getting stronger. I didn't like it. And I wanted to wake up. You said it would be okay. You said everything would be fine. I tried to believe you. I wanted to believe you so bad.

All this happened in the car on our way. I kept expecting something to happen. Any second and it would. But it never did. The feeling seemed to fade away. I was glad it was fading.

The car kept moving, and we kept laughing. I never wanted this feeling to end. This happiness. this content. I wanted it to go on forever.

I look at my right and I see the car coming towards us. It was getting closer. The car wasn't supposed to be there. I opened my mouth to tell you that. But I never got the chance to say it.

I won't be cliché and say that I saw my life flash through my eyes. And the only white light I saw was the headlight from the car. It was very strong. I had to close my eyes because of it.

I woke up that day with this urge to see you. And when I went to your room I couldn't find you. I wanted to tell you about the dream. I wanted to know what it meant. Most of all I wanted to see you and make sure you were safe.

I was getting really worried until you called. You told me you were hungry, and I told you I wanted to talk to you about something. You said you were in the mood for the place we were going to in my dream. I told you we’d see when you get here.

I don't know how you convinced me to go there. But we did. And on the way there, I had the same feeling I had then. And I became quiet. You said something about that being weird since I can't keep my mouth shut for two minutes. And I didn't say anything. That’s when I think you became really worried.

We got to the place where it happened. I look at my right expecting to see the car coming towards me. But it never came.

I laughed and told you about the dream. And you laughed at my paranoia. I told you I have really weird dreams, and you couldn't help but agree. We kept laughing about it all day.

You told me it would be okay. You said everything would be fine. I tried to believe you. And I did, I still do.

What Keeps Us Human

what makes humans so different from the other species in the world?
is it the fact that we're able to think? or is it that we can make change from the way we think? but is change the result of just our thinking?

humans are not only different from other species, but they are different from each other. each human is unique in it's own way. from it's personality, to it's way of handling pressure, to all kinds of things that makes humans so different.

what makes us all human? is it that we get emotional with certain things? or that we are able to do the impossible? or the fact that we strive for perfection, even though we know that nothing is perfect? we're not perfect; it doesn't even exist, but we keep on working to achieve it. we're hopeful that we will find it in a tiny particle of our being, hidden just beneath the surface.

we never give up. we keep striving for perfection. some even die looking for it. and in the end we're no different than any other creature in the planet. we're all just a grain of sand.

The Greater Your Dreams, The More Terrible Your Nightmares

breathe in, breathe out.


my fingers are ready. and I’m just staring at the screen. I should write something. a sentence. a word. anything.. and I wrote nothing. all I wrote was my name.

I still have nothing after twenty minutes. just a few sentences. and I hate it. I’m still in the same position I was when I first started. I want to write something. I want it so bad.

I want to write a story that would change somebody’s perspective on life. it is an amazing feeling to know that you’ve helped changed somebody’s view on life. opening one’s eyes to things they’ve never seen before. or opening doors that were once locked. to be able to do that is an honor.

I’m still waiting for an idea to hit me. and I’m bored as hell. so I listen to some music. trying to pass the time. the music isn’t helping any. so I put some dvds to watch. am I’m so engrossed in the show that I totally forgot about the article that I wanted to write. I stop the show, losing interest in it. and sleep while everybody outside keeps on living and time keeps on ticking.

One Meets His Destiny Often On The Road He Takes To Avoid It

The day was going well so far. We still didn’t find what we were looking for. We didn’t know what we’re actually looking for. But we wanted something for the party. We kept shopping, going from one shop into the other for a while. We had found some ‘potential’ things to wear. But we wanted something perfect for all of us.

Shopping wasn’t something I really enjoyed, but I was enjoying the company, we would make some remarks on some particular things that we felt people had the right not to see on display let alone on people..

We were getting out of a shop that we had just entered less than five minutes ago when:
*beep beep beep*

I thought to myself... this couldn’t be happening... I turn and see the sales man waving his hands and telling me not to worry about it. I thank him and catch up with them. They’re trying not to laugh. But it was a losing battle as they tried not to make eye contact with each other or with me.

“Alright let’s just keep going”
“I thought you threw away those jeans?” she asks me, with a huge grin.
“I did. This sucks man...” I say as we make our way to the next store. we pass some guys waiting outside for some girls. One guy says something about us that we didn’t pay attention to or hear, it’s nothing new to us.

As we enter it beeps again, and I turn to the security guard to see his reaction. I see him looking at me. Confused, not knowing what to do. But he kept quite. I hear them giggle and go check out some stuff. I give up and stand near the security guard so he can see that I’m not doing anything. Because I was positive when we leave I would beep. And I didn’t want to waste anybody’s time.

The hairs on the back of my neck stand with the feeling that I was being watched. I turn and I see the security guard looking at my body with a look I didn’t like. I look down and make sure that everything is the way it should be. Nothing showing and nothing is out of place. I look at him again and the look he gave me made me uncomfortable beyond belief. He was undressing me with his eyes. I didn’t like it. It was scaring me. And I wanted to leave. Desperately.

Five minutes later they come to me and say that they’re ready to leave and have some dinner. We pass the steal detector-thingy, and naturally. It beeps. I kept moving as if nothing happened. But he stops me. He asks if he can see my bag.

“Excuse me?”
“I need to check your bag,” he says while holding out his hand for it.

I hand him my bag still not sure what was going on, but if I didn’t cooperate that would mean I was hiding something, which I wasn’t. So I gave it to him. Still trying to figure out what was happening. I still don’t know.

He gives my bag back to me and says the most shocking words: “turn around and spread your arms and legs please,” he says coming closer to me.

“Wha…” he wouldn’t let me finish the sentence. He turned me around and spread my arms and legs and started patting my backside, my legs, thighs, hips, and waist. Everything. His hands were lingering everywhere and everybody knew it. Everybody stopped what they were doing and stared. The guys that were waiting, their eyes almost fell out of their sockets. Everything started to move in slow motion.

His hands began to go up my leg. I opened my mouth to say something I can’t remember even if you gave me a million k.d. But he shut me up immediately. His hands were going further up until they went to my inner thigh. I closed my eyes, not able to take it anymore. A single tear fell from my eyes when he spread my legs more roughly.
I couldn’t believe it. This was actually happening and in public and I’m just standing there. Frozen. I knew what to do if this ever happened. But for the death of me I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t hear or see anything. And I couldn’t stop it.
I didn’t know what was wrong. Why didn’t I move? Why didn’t I hit him? Why didn’t I defend myself?

Tears are still falling when he finished. He thanks me for “my cooperation” and turns back and goes to his place. I turn and walk while they’re walking behind me. One of them, I didn’t know who had my bag in her hand. I hadn’t noticed when my bag fell from my hand. I didn’t notice anything other than what was happening during those minutes. I hadn’t noticed when he started to complement my legs -saying they were beautifully shaped- when he was doing what he was doing. I hadn’t noticed the people asking themselves what was going on. I hadn’t noticed the guys trying to stop the man from what was doing to me. I had only felt my innocence leaving me.

I stop walking. I look around myself and I don’t know where I am. I have no idea why I’m even here. Why I even ran. Why I needed to escape from him.

“Sarah..” they both try to grab my attention

I wake up from my dream with tears in my eyes. And I keep crying for a long time. This was the first time I cried in three years. And I kept crying until there were no more tears. And then I cried some more. It was a dream. It was all a dream. But it felt so real that I couldn’t help but cry.

After I finished crying I lay on my bed thinking about the dream, and tried to find out what it meant. Then all of a sudden my phone rings. I look to see who it is and it’s her. I pick up the phone.

“Wanna go shopping?”

The Angel & The Devil

“You know what I hate?! I hate it when some @$$%*&! Takes two parking spaces! They should take away his license! I mean what if there was an emergency and the dude has to stop and he finds that he can’t have that space because there isn’t enough space for his own car because the @$$ took two parking spaces!!!” he said as he came in without saying hello or anything for that matter.
I lift my head up and see that he’s waiting for my reaction.
“Oh hey, Amy. How are you?” I say imitating his voice.
“Well hello there Jake. I’m fine, thank you for asking.” I reply to myself while he gives me his death stare that scares everybody but me.
“I’m just freaking out because of this test that I have in a couple of hours!” I yell and go back to my book, and I’m aware that he’s turning to see if there’s anybody around.
“DAMNIT! GOD DAMNIT! Why are you always mean when no one’s around?” he says as he gets closer and sits on the ground next to me.
“What?” I say finally looking at him.
“Yeah. When nobody’s around you’re a big mean sarcastic monster…thing,” he says while tries to make a shape of me with his hands.

I open my mouth to make a smart come back. But he beats me to it.
“In front of everybody you’re like a cute little helpless angel and I’m the devil. And people feel sorry for you and wonder why you even put up and hang out with me. For once I want you to be like that in front of people. Just once.” He begs me.

I roll my eyes and look at him. “You know why I hang out with you. And we both can’t be bad guys at the same time. There has to be some kind of… mixture? Does that make any sense?” I say as the bell rings and people are getting out of class and start filling the halls.
“Not really.” He grins with a look in his eyes that I can’t help but secretly love, as I grin back at him.

We keep looking into each other’s eyes for a couple of seconds and I can feel my heart beating faster. He blinks and clears his throat. The moment’s gone and I can feel him looking at everything but me. I turn and try to continue studying.

“Ok this place is a mess.” He says while he picks up the books and candy wrappers from around me. And he gets up and throws it in the trash and comes back to put my books in my backpack.
A smile is on my face when he comes back.
“What?” he asks in confusion.

“You switched.”

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In Your Arms

I had just finished my studying, and I was in dying need of a break. So I walk out to the living room and I see her on the sofa watching an old Arabic movie, which she’s in love with.
As I walk over to her and sit next to her, she opens her arms wide open in an invitation to hug and hold me. As always I rest my head on her chest while she plays with my hair and kisses my head.
Finally relaxing as she continues doing what she always does. I close my eyes and listen to her beating heart. And I know that I’ll always be safe, in my mothers’ arms.

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One Of Them

I see the world pass by while I stare and look out the car window. I try to see what no one has been able to see. I try to find the beauty of it all in one second only, but I actually need two for me to find it. I give up and start to pay attention to what everybody in the car is talking about. They’re talking about the weather, and how it’s unpredictable in this country. I turn my head and look up at the sky and look at the clouds. Nothing is predictable, and nothing is what it seems. And nothing is what it really is.

I keep staring and take a deep breath. It’s always like this. Nothing’s changed. And I realize it will never change. And that makes me feel lonelier than ever.

I want to run away so bad. I want to do so many things that I’m not aloud to, and if only I knew what they really are.

I close my eyes and try to listen to everything around me. I try to think of the reason why they act the way they do. And I come up with nothing. I hate people who aren’t who they say they are. But I’m not the one to judge, since I’m one of them.

It only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget

The Other Side Of The Story (Part I)

I know you hated me the first time you read about me. I don't blame you. I hated me too. I was a home wrecker. I shouldn't have done what I did. So there's no point in trying to change what already happened.

It's just that I can't take all the blame for this. You need to read the other side of the story too.

So I guess we'll meet up again next week to read how it all began.
See you there.

The other woman,

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

My Refuge.

Sitting in the corner of my room, where I consider it my refuge. I cry. Not knowing the reason for my falling tears. But they fall none the less, leaving a trail of fire on my face, across my cheeks, on my chin, and then falling on the ground.

I keep on crying for another half hour. Still not knowing why I'm even sitting in the far corner. Why am I hiding? Why do I feel ashamed?

I lift my head from my knee and look around. I suddenly feel distant. I stand up and lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

I'm tired. I'm really tired of it all. I tried so hard to be the daughter they've always wanted me to be. And some days I can't be myself so that I can make them happy. I've given up my dreams for them. I've done everything humanly possible to make them proud of me. But I guess it's normal if they're never satisfied with what I've done.

They think I'm happy. They see a totally different person. Now I remember the reason why I'm in here. They asked too much of me. They expected too much. And I couldn't do it. And I couldn't handle it anymore. I just had to get away from them.

This is my entire fault you know? I just can't bare hurting people's feelings, especially my parents. I just love making them happy. But sometimes they cross the line of sanity. They would expect the craziest things.

I lift me head from the pillow and listen. They're calling me. I wipe my eyes quickly and walk to the mirror, and check my eyes for any evidence of my earlier distress. I breathe deeply and exhale slowly. I try to smile, but it doesn't go all the way to my eyes, it never did. I turn and leave.

Everyday I sit at that corner and cry, Feeling miserable and lonely, while they go on with their daily routine. I'd cry for being something that I'm not, for being someone that I never wanted to be and who I wasn't. After I'd finish crying, I'd wish I could cry forever. For when I'm crying, I'm finally being myself. And I never wanted to be anything else.

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Who's The Lazy Ass NOW?

ok this is something that i drew a long time ago.. but lost it..
so i drew a new one with my favourite boo frex..

it's basically me not having anything to do.. so i did something totally stupid..
the only excuse i have is that i was seriously bored.. so don't judge..

ok the story is self-explanatory.. so enjoy and tell me what you think..

click to enlarge

This world is like a cage
And i don't think it's fair
And i don't even think
That anybody cares.

Dreaming...

Everything was perfect.
Nothing could ruin it.
I was happy.
I was content.
I felt safe.
I felt loved.
I thought I was special.
I never wanted it to end.
I felt complete.
It was beautiful.
It was something so unique, so special.
Then I realized that all good things are bound to end.
The sun light shines through the window and I wake up from my dream.

As your world spins around
Feet never touch the ground
Always hurting inside
Hiding behind the sun
waiting still for the love
but it all seems so right

It All Started On Feb. 19th

On 8:27 on Feb. 19th 2000. Hanan and her ten year old daughter Sarah went to have breakfast at her friends’ house.

On the front seat of the car sat Sarah with her mother who was driving in silence. With Sarah staring out of the window obviously in deep thought.

“Does she have to live at the end of the country?” finally asked Sarah the question that she wanted to ask.
“Sarah. It’s not the end of the country, it’s just Qurain.” answered her mother with laughing eyes.
“Qurain is after Subah El-Salim, right?” asked Sarah and was rewarded by a nod.
“Well Subah El-Salim is at the end of the country. So that means that Qurain is not only at the end of the country, but it’s at the country border.” said Sarah while turning to look at her mother.
“Are you really that upset about coming with me?” asked Hanan in a sad tone.
“No mom. I’m just a little cranky because *someone* woke me up at 7:30 to go to a high school reunion that I---”
“College! College... we were friends at college, not high school. Get your fact straight.” Interrupted her mother.
“Alright mom, whatever makes you feel younger.” said Sarah as she turned once again to stare out of her window.
“I heard that.” Hanan said as she continued to drive.
“Well that’s a good thing mom; at least you still have your hearing.” said Sarah sarcastically.
“Why do I have to come anyway?” curiously Sarah asked her mother before she got a chance to reply.
“Because she has a daughter that’s the exact same age as you. And we thought that you might be friends…”
“I bet she’s asleep right now” said Sarah miserably.
All she got from that remark was a chuckle.

AT THE HOUSE:
As soon as Hanan told Sarah that they were about to arrive, her heart started to pound in her chest, suddenly feeling nervous. She always felt nervous when she was about to meet new people. Her mother saw when they were in front of the house and put her hand on her head and pulled her for a hug.
“Don’t worry, they’re gonna love you.” said Hanan with an encouraging smile.
“What’s not to love?” Sarah tried to hide her nervousness with a little humor, but her voice gave out on her in the end.
“Exactly.” Replied Hanan as she started to lead her into the house with her arms around her shoulder.

“And this is my daughter Sarah.” said Hanan with a smile on her face.
“Ohmigod! You’re so beautiful! How are you?” said her mothers’ friend while kissing her on both Sarah’s cheeks.
“I’m ok. How are you?” replied Sarah with a shy smile on her face.
“I’m just fine… oh Hanan she looks just like you.” she said directing her attention back to her mother. The only reply she got was a smile.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and hang out with Lulu, eh?” Hanan asked Sarah while looking into her friends eyes.
“Oh yeah absolutely, she’s watching TV I think, just go up the stairs to the left. I’ll call her now and tell her you’re going up.” she said as Sarah got up and made her way to the stairs.
“See I told that she wasn’t asleep.” Hanan told Sarah in teasing voice.

As she was about to go up the stairs Sarah turned to look at her mother for encouragement. The only thing she saw was a nod and kind smile, she turned her head to look at her mothers’ friend and saw that she had picked up the phone and was talking to someone. Probably her..

As she was walking up the stairs, she heard the TV and decided to follow the sound. As she arrived at the first floor she took two steps and turned left to find a girl that looked about her age sitting on a chair with her back resting on the arm rest with her legs dangling on the other.
As if sensing her presence the girl turned her head and smiled as they held each others eyes. She got up from the chair and went over to Sarah, and reached out and took her and said “I’m Lulu” with a smile on her face.
“Sarah.” was the only thing she said.
“Hehe, I figured as much. You know my mom made me wake up at 8:30 because of you.” Lulu said with a smile.
“You’re lucky, I got up at 7:30.” replied Sarah with a laugh. Soon Lulu joined her.
“OK you win. Come sit down let’s talk.” Said Lulu as she led her to the sofa.

---------------------------------

At that moment our friendship began. And it continued to grow for six years and hopefully will continue to grow for twenty more.

You were so nice to me that day. You still are. And I think it rubbed off on me.

We've learnt so much from each other, mostly badliyat. Since surprisingly we both don't know how to speak Arabic very well. LOL!

I can’t explain how glad I am that my mom made me come to your house that day.
I found my soul mate because of what she did. I owe her big time because of that.

We’ve made sooo many pacts together that are too many to count. We promised that our daughters would be best friends. We promised to graduate together. We promised that we would always tell each other everything. We promised that we would grow old together and stay friends forever. And I have a good feeling that we will. I have a feeling that we’ll be just like our mothers. Which I find is a good thing…don’t look so SHOCKED! YES I said it!!

Anyway…
So today is your birthday. I wish you a life time of happiness and joy. And I hope your dreams come true. Cause you deserve it.

Happy birthday Luluwy.

Love ya.

But it's alright
Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends

Room Full of Memories.

Looking around me, I see a place where there was warmth and safety once. So full of memories that I will cherish forever. This place was a home. My home. I've experienced so many things in this house that I will never forget even if I wanted to. I've made things that I still have as well as things that I've lost. I've cried as much as I laughed. It is a wonderful place to have grown up in.

I was thinking that when I arrived in front of the house, and I remember all the times that I came through this door everyday when I was a child. I go to my room, and I find it just the way it was when I left it years ago. Even though the paint looks a little pale and the room smells kinda funky, I guess I still think that this is *my* room. Where I spent a lot of days wasting my time daydreaming and thinking the day away.

Everything feels so dusty and old. I can feel the dust in the air. And I try to clear the air with my hand, but no use.

All I see are the silhouettes of my bed and desk. It looks so lifeless, and I can't imagine how nobody has come in here for so long.

My eyes go wide when I switch on the lights. Everything's still there. Soo used. Sitting there collecting dust. I hold my breath and enter, worried that if I did anything I'd ruin the moment. And it was moment I never wanted to forget.

I wander around the room, with a smile on my face. Everywhere I look I find myself remembering the past. How simple it was. How innocent. And I find myself wanting to live in that time. And I remember how I had to let it go at such an early age.

I turn around and face my bed. I stand in front of it and hit it. That was a big mistake. Dust comes out everywhere. And I turn my head and cough.
I stare at the bed. And what the heck lay down on the bed. And I do what I usually do. I stare at the ceiling. I sigh, feeling content.
I look to my right, and I see my prized possession, my desk. I stand and walk around to it.

I stop in front of my desk and slide my hand on the surface. I stare in awe at the desk. Everything's just the way I left it. There's a picture frame that I never used and pens and other things.
I open the drawer and I find the notebook that was once my diary and open the last page I've written.

Dear diary,

As of today, I will no longer write to you. It's not because I don't want, but because I don't see the point anymore. I don’t think I have the strength for it. I leave my dreams and thoughts in this notebook… I don't have time for this anymore.

Goodbye..

Thinking back, I don't remember why I did this. And I still don't regret doing it.

"There you are. You ready to go?"

"Yep, just saying goodbye."

I turn to head for the door when I remember. I go back to the desk and pick up the picture frame that I never used. Wanting to take a piece of my past with me.

The weird thing is I still feel the same thing I felt the time I lived here, At home.

"Why do you have dust all over you?"

Stare at a memory
You, through the grapevine, heard the truth
It's good to learn from your mistakes
But that only works in youth.

Is There Such A Thing As A Happy Ending? (Final Part)

before reading this. please read part1, part 2 & part 3.
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When I step out of the building, I hear thunder in the Far East, a storm. How convenient. I turn right to the place where citizen have to stand to go across the street to the public park. I have to wait for a couple of minutes because of the traffic.

They turn red. Cars start to stop. While I'm crossing the street, I see a guy in a BMW who seems to be scolding his girlfriend maybe? I avert my eyes away from them and keep crossing the street. When I get to the other side of the street I hear the thunder more clearly. It's getting closer. And I forgot my jacket. Damnit. Well I'm definitely not going back to the apartment to him. I guess I'll just freeze to death. No big. My world already fell apart. Dieing won't change anything. I wrap my arms around myself to keep from the cold. And keep moving forward.

I'm in the park now. And I'm surrounded by nature. Trees left and right. Benches every few meters. I've always loved this park. It was a place where I could just sit down and admire the view or just think. I look up at the sky and see that it's turned a dark shade of gray. I don't care. I keep going into the park. I keep walking for a couple of minutes. I get to the road-like thing they made for horses and I walk faster, because two men with horses were coming my way. I walk a few steps and I get to the actual street. There are cars here as well. I turn my head to my apartment and I can clearly see the front door and my window. And I wonder what he's doing. Did he call her and tell her what happened? Or is he breaking up with her? It doesn't matter if he broke it off with her. I'm still not going back to him. I came here to think of what *I'm* going to do. Think about where I'm going to live. That kind of stuff.

I cross the street and keep going forward. I wanted to see where the path would take me if I went with the flow.

Walking in a one lane path I start to look around. Looking at anything worth looking at. I look at my right. I see the streets outside. Cars everywhere. People walking.

I look at my left and I see more trees, but if I look past the trees I can see a field of wheat. With a dog there following what seemed to be some kind of insect that's too small to see, with its owner behind him.

I keep moving. The cold starting to get to me. I think even if I have a coat I'd still feel cold. I now feel cold both in the inside and the outside.

I walk for a few minutes then I see myself in my destination. This is the real park. Grass and old trees with many paths and benches to go with it. I take a deep breath of fresh air.

I look ahead and I see my destination. I see a lake with a lot of benches in front of it. And I start my walk to my destination. While going I see a family having a picnic. With the parents sitting with the adults. One of them with a baby on his lap. With the children running around playing with the family dog. At that moment the raining starts. The adults moan and start to stand and pack up for home. While the kids seemed very happy to play with the rain.

I look up at the sky and close my eyes as I let the rain fall over and cleanse me with its purity. Feeling at the edge of a shiver every time a drop of rain falls on me. I'm completely wet now. But it doesn't matter. I came here to think and I will.

I look at the direction of the lake and I see people moving away from it. At least I now have a place to sit. And I walk to the lake.

When I get to the lake I take a seat at the nearest bench I could find and sit down and stare at the lake. It looks breath taking. With the rain drops falling on it is just something that my explaining it doesn't give it any justice.

What I'm I going to do? I left home because of his work. And I have nowhere to go. I loved him. I gave him everything. I gave up my dreams for him.

My tears start to fall without realizing it. And the rain is getting stronger. And I cry harder. With my tears rolling down my chin and falling on my lap and mixing with the rain. Gasping at every intake of breath. I look up at the sky as if I could find the answer to all my problems. But all I saw was rain drops falling everywhere.

Was it something I did? Or do I just don't deserve a happy ending? Does anybody deserve to have it?

I cry for a few more minutes. I'm freezing from the rain. And I shiver every time a rain drop falls on me. My teeth start chattering and I wrap my arms around myself again.

Something catches my eye and look at my left and I see and old couple sitting close together sharing an umbrella and a laugh at something while staring at the lake.

I smile at that. And they see me staring at them. They smile back and the husband whispers something in her ears and she nods. And at that moment I realized that…

There is such a thing as a happy ending. You just have to be lucky enough to find it.

I didn't think that you'd sell me out
Now I know what you're all about.
You might feel in control of things.
But you're not holding all the strings.

Is There Such A Thing As A Happy Ending? (Part 3)

before reading this part. please read part 1 & part 2. or just scroll down.
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"Honey let me explain…" began her husband hesitantly.

"I don't think it needs any explaining. Thank you." she said interrupting him.

"Look I just want you to know that it meant nothing to Me." he said with pleading eyes.

"Oh ok. So it's just a dick thing?" she asked.

"Well… yeah, I guess." not knowing what to say.

"You guess… so umm...tell me. How long has...this meaningless affair been going on?" she asked him while at the same time crossed her arms.

"Not long…" he said looking at the ground.

He looked like a school boy who expected to be punished by the principle. She wanted to tell him to grow up. He isn't a boy anymore. She wanted to tell him that he was a man. Getting punished isn't going to be the last of your worries in life. It was always like that with him. He would do anything he wanted and wouldn't take no for an answer. And he wouldn't care about what would happen after doing whatever he wanted.

"That's not good enough, how long?" she asked the floor not wanting to see him.

"I don't know, a couple of months, a year?"

At that she was able to look at him. "A year? You have cheating on me with a twelve year old for a – "she stopped what she was saying when a thought had struck her.

"Ohmigod. Please tell me that you didn't cheat on me because of what happened last year." She begged him to tell her. All of a sudden her eyes started to tear up.

"Please tell I'm wrong. Tell me that it was just a coincidence." she said as she took a couple of steps to stand in front of him. "Is it?" she asked him one more time.

The only answer she got from him was silence.

Suddenly she wasn't upset anymore. She was pissed. And then she slapped him. "You asshole! You insensitive lying asshole!!"

"You cheated on me because I couldn't give you *children*?" her tears were falling on their own now. Her control over her feelings was out the window. And she didn't care anymore. She was hurt. She was humiliated. She was mad. But most of all, she was heartbroken.

All of a sudden the room felt too small. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't stand still. She needed space. She needed to get out of here. To think about what she was going to do. But what she really wanted was to get away from him.

As she walked to the front door. She felt her husband follow her. And he was saying something. She didn't hear what he was saying. She wasn't listening. And her ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton. But some words got through and she heard him saying. "Never do it again… I'm sorry…please…don’t leave … I love you"

As she reached the door. She turned around and held his eyes.

"I love you too. But I don't trust you anymore. And I can't stay married to someone I don't trust, and who's unfaithful."

"Look you can't just leave. We have to talk this through." He said with emotion evident in his voice

"What else is there to talk about? I just… need some space to think…things through.” she said and closed the door.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain