Things You Never Knew About Me..

ok here's a 100 things about me. i realize that i'm not the first to do this. i just read some and thought it might be fun. so here it goes..

1. My whole life revolves around my friends and family.
2. I think way too much.
3. I think I'm way too mature for my age.
4. I hate my smile.
5. I love my birthday.
6. Even though I have everything people would kill to have, I still feel lonely sometimes.
7. I never trust my instincts.
8. I'm still a cartoon addict.
9. I never leave the house without my iPOD.
10. I am the go-to person in the house when it concerns music.
11. I wish I live in a different kind of society.
12. I was born in England.
13. I have the worst handwriting.
14. I'm spoiled, but I'm not a brat.
15. I feel blessed that I have so many friends.
16. I am a gadget freak.
17. I am afraid of insects.
18. I love my dog.
19. I love NY.
20. I'm a quarter of an indian.
21. I still like Michael Jackson.
22. I'm very protective of my friends.
23. Music is my life.
24. I can't stay in one place for a long time because I get bored easily.
25. I consider myself a pack rat.
26. The last time I cried was 2 years ago.
27. I always judge a book by it's cover.
28. I hate eating in crowded restaurants.
29. I hate my hands.
30. I love rain.
31. I've never seen snow.
32. I love the beach.
33. I can't decide on something.
34. I wish I could have a pet lion.
35. My favorite name is Chris.
36. I am a huge superman fan.
37. I'm a daddy's girl.
38. I'm a chocoholic.
39. I always try to finish what I start.
40. I would do anything for my family.
41. I'm very shy.
42. I can't sleep in a car.
43. I love playing cards.
44. I love reading.
45. I dream of becoming a writer, but I don't think I'm good at it.
46. I rarely show my anger.
47. I don't have a laugh.
48. I'm too nice.
49. I can't say "no"
50. I'm the sarcastic one in the family.
51. When I think too hard I bite my lips.
52. I'm a good listener.
53. I'm a lefty.
54. I don't care what people think.
55. I'm patriotic
56. I care too much.
57. I bite my nails when I'm bored.
58. I have too many stuff.
59. I hate taking pictures of myself.
60. I'm opinionated.
61. I don't know how to lift an eyebrow.
62. I can't whistle.
63. I am very sarcastic when I'm angry.
64. I swear a lot.
65. I'm a daydreamer.
66. I wish I could live in a library.
67. I can't decide on a favorite color.
68. I'm very clumsy.
69. I have great reflexes.
70. My most said line is "bite me!"
71. I'm the forth of five children.
72. When I feel strongly about something, I get words mixed together.
73. I'm an introvert.
74. I rarely sleep on my back.
75. I was born on a Tuesday.
76. I don't snore.
77. I'm always online.
78. I love sports.
79. I'm so nice that it sometimes get me into trouble.
80. I can be a real bitch if I want to.
81. When I'm sleepy I laugh uncontrollably.
82. I'm the good girl in school.
83. I tripped on my own foot. TWICE!
84. I never broke a bone (7amdillah!)
85. I'm quiet in front of strangers, but you can't shut me up when I'm surrounded by people I know.
86. I love to travel.
87. I dream of going to Greece.
88. Everyday is a new experience.
89. I'm affectionate.
90. I've been called "om el badliyat" by everyone I know.
91. I express myself by writing.
92. I'm a follower.
93. I need my privacy.
94. I'm a teacher's pet.
95. I love teasing people.
96. I'm self-conscious about myself.
97. I always have a sarcastic remark up my sleeve.
98. My father calls me "his mishmisha" or "mishmishty" which is where my nick name comes from.
99. I'm allergic to mangoes, they're my favorite fruit.
100. I wanna be a kid again.

Don’t say I love you,
Don’t say you need me,
Don’t say I trust you,
My heart cant take it.
Don’t say you want me,
Don’t say you miss me,
Don’t hurt me.
Don’t say you love me.

The Other Side Of The Story (Part I)

I know you hated me the first time you read about me. I don't blame you. I hated me too. I was a home wrecker. I shouldn't have done what I did. So there's no point in trying to change what already happened.

It's just that I can't take all the blame for this. You need to read the other side of the story too.

So I guess we'll meet up again next week to read how it all began.
See you there.

The other woman,

It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own

The Results Are In!!

as some of you know.. me and FReX made a bet for the summer. if you don't know about it click here.

so anyway.. today is the first day of schoool :(
so we had to see the results:
MiSHMiSHa: 9 papers..
FReX: unknown.
according to her she said she "lost" 'em.
so i think it's obvious who the winner is.. MOI!!

you'd think we had about 2 months of free time, we would do some papers. but NOOOO all we did was sit around and bitch the whole day away doing nothing.

i guess this proves how much determination and ambition we have. this says alot, since we're the future. don't worry we'll keep this beloved country safe. if we're in the mood.

well i'm outa here.. latta's

Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother,
you're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin',
and we're stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Ah, ha, ha, ha, stayin' alive.

My Refuge.

Sitting in the corner of my room, where I consider it my refuge. I cry. Not knowing the reason for my falling tears. But they fall none the less, leaving a trail of fire on my face, across my cheeks, on my chin, and then falling on the ground.

I keep on crying for another half hour. Still not knowing why I'm even sitting in the far corner. Why am I hiding? Why do I feel ashamed?

I lift my head from my knee and look around. I suddenly feel distant. I stand up and lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling.

I'm tired. I'm really tired of it all. I tried so hard to be the daughter they've always wanted me to be. And some days I can't be myself so that I can make them happy. I've given up my dreams for them. I've done everything humanly possible to make them proud of me. But I guess it's normal if they're never satisfied with what I've done.

They think I'm happy. They see a totally different person. Now I remember the reason why I'm in here. They asked too much of me. They expected too much. And I couldn't do it. And I couldn't handle it anymore. I just had to get away from them.

This is my entire fault you know? I just can't bare hurting people's feelings, especially my parents. I just love making them happy. But sometimes they cross the line of sanity. They would expect the craziest things.

I lift me head from the pillow and listen. They're calling me. I wipe my eyes quickly and walk to the mirror, and check my eyes for any evidence of my earlier distress. I breathe deeply and exhale slowly. I try to smile, but it doesn't go all the way to my eyes, it never did. I turn and leave.

Everyday I sit at that corner and cry, Feeling miserable and lonely, while they go on with their daily routine. I'd cry for being something that I'm not, for being someone that I never wanted to be and who I wasn't. After I'd finish crying, I'd wish I could cry forever. For when I'm crying, I'm finally being myself. And I never wanted to be anything else.

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

Who's The Lazy Ass NOW?

ok this is something that i drew a long time ago.. but lost it..
so i drew a new one with my favourite boo frex..

it's basically me not having anything to do.. so i did something totally stupid..
the only excuse i have is that i was seriously bored.. so don't judge..

ok the story is self-explanatory.. so enjoy and tell me what you think..

click to enlarge

This world is like a cage
And i don't think it's fair
And i don't even think
That anybody cares.

What The F*%$?!

so i downloaded a new template for my blog.. everything is going well.. i find the template that i want... well i found a couple of them..
then!! dumdumduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum! i get this:

We were unable to preview your template

Please correct the error below, and submit your template again.

Your template could not be parsed as it is not well-formed. Please make sure all XML elements are closed properly.
XML error message: The document type declaration for root element type "html" must end with '>'.

HUH?! what the hell does that mean?!
i've been trying to find out how to fix this "problem" but i can't!
i'm so frustrated! how the hell am i supposed to fix this thing?
is it because i use the beta thingy?
does it even have anything to do with beta?
or maybe it's because i'm hopeless..

i thought all you had to do was just copy and paste the codes and voila! you're done!
did anybody have this problem? and if YOU did, how did you solve it? if you did that is..

please help... :'(

UPDATE: it's official..i'm an idiot and thanks to mr. 3baid he made me see that.. thank you for solving my not so difficult dilemma.. you rock! thanks again ;P i didn't use the template that i wanted to use..it didn't look good.. i guess i'll keep looking..

Welcome to the fallout
Welcome to resistance
The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Dreaming...

Everything was perfect.
Nothing could ruin it.
I was happy.
I was content.
I felt safe.
I felt loved.
I thought I was special.
I never wanted it to end.
I felt complete.
It was beautiful.
It was something so unique, so special.
Then I realized that all good things are bound to end.
The sun light shines through the window and I wake up from my dream.

As your world spins around
Feet never touch the ground
Always hurting inside
Hiding behind the sun
waiting still for the love
but it all seems so right

Still Waiting...

so i'm trying to post this video that i seriously love.. but it seems that You Tube won't see it that way.. i mean i know how the process goes..i've done it a couple of times. they say that "this video will apear on your blog shortly" yeah well how long is shortly?? it's been almost 24 hours and it still didn't apear!
no big.. just click here to see the video and then answer this question:
which do you prefer?

So am I still waiting

For this world to stop hating
Can't find a good reason
Can't find hope to believe in

It All Started On Feb. 19th

On 8:27 on Feb. 19th 2000. Hanan and her ten year old daughter Sarah went to have breakfast at her friends’ house.

On the front seat of the car sat Sarah with her mother who was driving in silence. With Sarah staring out of the window obviously in deep thought.

“Does she have to live at the end of the country?” finally asked Sarah the question that she wanted to ask.
“Sarah. It’s not the end of the country, it’s just Qurain.” answered her mother with laughing eyes.
“Qurain is after Subah El-Salim, right?” asked Sarah and was rewarded by a nod.
“Well Subah El-Salim is at the end of the country. So that means that Qurain is not only at the end of the country, but it’s at the country border.” said Sarah while turning to look at her mother.
“Are you really that upset about coming with me?” asked Hanan in a sad tone.
“No mom. I’m just a little cranky because *someone* woke me up at 7:30 to go to a high school reunion that I---”
“College! College... we were friends at college, not high school. Get your fact straight.” Interrupted her mother.
“Alright mom, whatever makes you feel younger.” said Sarah as she turned once again to stare out of her window.
“I heard that.” Hanan said as she continued to drive.
“Well that’s a good thing mom; at least you still have your hearing.” said Sarah sarcastically.
“Why do I have to come anyway?” curiously Sarah asked her mother before she got a chance to reply.
“Because she has a daughter that’s the exact same age as you. And we thought that you might be friends…”
“I bet she’s asleep right now” said Sarah miserably.
All she got from that remark was a chuckle.

AT THE HOUSE:
As soon as Hanan told Sarah that they were about to arrive, her heart started to pound in her chest, suddenly feeling nervous. She always felt nervous when she was about to meet new people. Her mother saw when they were in front of the house and put her hand on her head and pulled her for a hug.
“Don’t worry, they’re gonna love you.” said Hanan with an encouraging smile.
“What’s not to love?” Sarah tried to hide her nervousness with a little humor, but her voice gave out on her in the end.
“Exactly.” Replied Hanan as she started to lead her into the house with her arms around her shoulder.

“And this is my daughter Sarah.” said Hanan with a smile on her face.
“Ohmigod! You’re so beautiful! How are you?” said her mothers’ friend while kissing her on both Sarah’s cheeks.
“I’m ok. How are you?” replied Sarah with a shy smile on her face.
“I’m just fine… oh Hanan she looks just like you.” she said directing her attention back to her mother. The only reply she got was a smile.
“Why don’t you go upstairs and hang out with Lulu, eh?” Hanan asked Sarah while looking into her friends eyes.
“Oh yeah absolutely, she’s watching TV I think, just go up the stairs to the left. I’ll call her now and tell her you’re going up.” she said as Sarah got up and made her way to the stairs.
“See I told that she wasn’t asleep.” Hanan told Sarah in teasing voice.

As she was about to go up the stairs Sarah turned to look at her mother for encouragement. The only thing she saw was a nod and kind smile, she turned her head to look at her mothers’ friend and saw that she had picked up the phone and was talking to someone. Probably her..

As she was walking up the stairs, she heard the TV and decided to follow the sound. As she arrived at the first floor she took two steps and turned left to find a girl that looked about her age sitting on a chair with her back resting on the arm rest with her legs dangling on the other.
As if sensing her presence the girl turned her head and smiled as they held each others eyes. She got up from the chair and went over to Sarah, and reached out and took her and said “I’m Lulu” with a smile on her face.
“Sarah.” was the only thing she said.
“Hehe, I figured as much. You know my mom made me wake up at 8:30 because of you.” Lulu said with a smile.
“You’re lucky, I got up at 7:30.” replied Sarah with a laugh. Soon Lulu joined her.
“OK you win. Come sit down let’s talk.” Said Lulu as she led her to the sofa.

---------------------------------

At that moment our friendship began. And it continued to grow for six years and hopefully will continue to grow for twenty more.

You were so nice to me that day. You still are. And I think it rubbed off on me.

We've learnt so much from each other, mostly badliyat. Since surprisingly we both don't know how to speak Arabic very well. LOL!

I can’t explain how glad I am that my mom made me come to your house that day.
I found my soul mate because of what she did. I owe her big time because of that.

We’ve made sooo many pacts together that are too many to count. We promised that our daughters would be best friends. We promised to graduate together. We promised that we would always tell each other everything. We promised that we would grow old together and stay friends forever. And I have a good feeling that we will. I have a feeling that we’ll be just like our mothers. Which I find is a good thing…don’t look so SHOCKED! YES I said it!!

Anyway…
So today is your birthday. I wish you a life time of happiness and joy. And I hope your dreams come true. Cause you deserve it.

Happy birthday Luluwy.

Love ya.

But it's alright
Why don't you tell me again
How you'll still be there
When the heartache ends

Feeling A Little Lonely??

so my iPOD is lonely and needs a few new friends.. well actually i'm getting a little bored with my playlists and i need something fresh..my iPOD knows nothing of this.. it thinks i'm quite happy with it (so don't tell it about this)

so what i neeeeed you to do is just tell me your favourite songs, bands, singers, albums and whatever that has to do with music (they have to be English, i don't listen to arabic. don't ask me why).

so just hit me with it.

and thanks in advance to whoever helps make my iPOD happy once again.

Cause these are the days worth living

These are the years we're given
And these are the moments
These are the times
Let's make the best out of our lives

Did Some 'Up Grading'

so i did this new beta thing.. it's kinda nice.. it's easier.
i like it..
i'm not really done yet.. so if it doesn't look good and there's something wrong please tell me.. i'd really appreciate it..

i'm doing the labeling thing.. though i'm not done.. and there's alot of shit that i could put in the blog... so i'm just going to say that the blog is in the shop..

well i've gotta go finish labeling.. -.-

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' cause I let you
Do what you do - down on me

Room Full of Memories.

Looking around me, I see a place where there was warmth and safety once. So full of memories that I will cherish forever. This place was a home. My home. I've experienced so many things in this house that I will never forget even if I wanted to. I've made things that I still have as well as things that I've lost. I've cried as much as I laughed. It is a wonderful place to have grown up in.

I was thinking that when I arrived in front of the house, and I remember all the times that I came through this door everyday when I was a child. I go to my room, and I find it just the way it was when I left it years ago. Even though the paint looks a little pale and the room smells kinda funky, I guess I still think that this is *my* room. Where I spent a lot of days wasting my time daydreaming and thinking the day away.

Everything feels so dusty and old. I can feel the dust in the air. And I try to clear the air with my hand, but no use.

All I see are the silhouettes of my bed and desk. It looks so lifeless, and I can't imagine how nobody has come in here for so long.

My eyes go wide when I switch on the lights. Everything's still there. Soo used. Sitting there collecting dust. I hold my breath and enter, worried that if I did anything I'd ruin the moment. And it was moment I never wanted to forget.

I wander around the room, with a smile on my face. Everywhere I look I find myself remembering the past. How simple it was. How innocent. And I find myself wanting to live in that time. And I remember how I had to let it go at such an early age.

I turn around and face my bed. I stand in front of it and hit it. That was a big mistake. Dust comes out everywhere. And I turn my head and cough.
I stare at the bed. And what the heck lay down on the bed. And I do what I usually do. I stare at the ceiling. I sigh, feeling content.
I look to my right, and I see my prized possession, my desk. I stand and walk around to it.

I stop in front of my desk and slide my hand on the surface. I stare in awe at the desk. Everything's just the way I left it. There's a picture frame that I never used and pens and other things.
I open the drawer and I find the notebook that was once my diary and open the last page I've written.

Dear diary,

As of today, I will no longer write to you. It's not because I don't want, but because I don't see the point anymore. I don’t think I have the strength for it. I leave my dreams and thoughts in this notebook… I don't have time for this anymore.

Goodbye..

Thinking back, I don't remember why I did this. And I still don't regret doing it.

"There you are. You ready to go?"

"Yep, just saying goodbye."

I turn to head for the door when I remember. I go back to the desk and pick up the picture frame that I never used. Wanting to take a piece of my past with me.

The weird thing is I still feel the same thing I felt the time I lived here, At home.

"Why do you have dust all over you?"

Stare at a memory
You, through the grapevine, heard the truth
It's good to learn from your mistakes
But that only works in youth.

Is There Such A Thing As A Happy Ending? (Final Part)

before reading this. please read part1, part 2 & part 3.
--------------------------------

When I step out of the building, I hear thunder in the Far East, a storm. How convenient. I turn right to the place where citizen have to stand to go across the street to the public park. I have to wait for a couple of minutes because of the traffic.

They turn red. Cars start to stop. While I'm crossing the street, I see a guy in a BMW who seems to be scolding his girlfriend maybe? I avert my eyes away from them and keep crossing the street. When I get to the other side of the street I hear the thunder more clearly. It's getting closer. And I forgot my jacket. Damnit. Well I'm definitely not going back to the apartment to him. I guess I'll just freeze to death. No big. My world already fell apart. Dieing won't change anything. I wrap my arms around myself to keep from the cold. And keep moving forward.

I'm in the park now. And I'm surrounded by nature. Trees left and right. Benches every few meters. I've always loved this park. It was a place where I could just sit down and admire the view or just think. I look up at the sky and see that it's turned a dark shade of gray. I don't care. I keep going into the park. I keep walking for a couple of minutes. I get to the road-like thing they made for horses and I walk faster, because two men with horses were coming my way. I walk a few steps and I get to the actual street. There are cars here as well. I turn my head to my apartment and I can clearly see the front door and my window. And I wonder what he's doing. Did he call her and tell her what happened? Or is he breaking up with her? It doesn't matter if he broke it off with her. I'm still not going back to him. I came here to think of what *I'm* going to do. Think about where I'm going to live. That kind of stuff.

I cross the street and keep going forward. I wanted to see where the path would take me if I went with the flow.

Walking in a one lane path I start to look around. Looking at anything worth looking at. I look at my right. I see the streets outside. Cars everywhere. People walking.

I look at my left and I see more trees, but if I look past the trees I can see a field of wheat. With a dog there following what seemed to be some kind of insect that's too small to see, with its owner behind him.

I keep moving. The cold starting to get to me. I think even if I have a coat I'd still feel cold. I now feel cold both in the inside and the outside.

I walk for a few minutes then I see myself in my destination. This is the real park. Grass and old trees with many paths and benches to go with it. I take a deep breath of fresh air.

I look ahead and I see my destination. I see a lake with a lot of benches in front of it. And I start my walk to my destination. While going I see a family having a picnic. With the parents sitting with the adults. One of them with a baby on his lap. With the children running around playing with the family dog. At that moment the raining starts. The adults moan and start to stand and pack up for home. While the kids seemed very happy to play with the rain.

I look up at the sky and close my eyes as I let the rain fall over and cleanse me with its purity. Feeling at the edge of a shiver every time a drop of rain falls on me. I'm completely wet now. But it doesn't matter. I came here to think and I will.

I look at the direction of the lake and I see people moving away from it. At least I now have a place to sit. And I walk to the lake.

When I get to the lake I take a seat at the nearest bench I could find and sit down and stare at the lake. It looks breath taking. With the rain drops falling on it is just something that my explaining it doesn't give it any justice.

What I'm I going to do? I left home because of his work. And I have nowhere to go. I loved him. I gave him everything. I gave up my dreams for him.

My tears start to fall without realizing it. And the rain is getting stronger. And I cry harder. With my tears rolling down my chin and falling on my lap and mixing with the rain. Gasping at every intake of breath. I look up at the sky as if I could find the answer to all my problems. But all I saw was rain drops falling everywhere.

Was it something I did? Or do I just don't deserve a happy ending? Does anybody deserve to have it?

I cry for a few more minutes. I'm freezing from the rain. And I shiver every time a rain drop falls on me. My teeth start chattering and I wrap my arms around myself again.

Something catches my eye and look at my left and I see and old couple sitting close together sharing an umbrella and a laugh at something while staring at the lake.

I smile at that. And they see me staring at them. They smile back and the husband whispers something in her ears and she nods. And at that moment I realized that…

There is such a thing as a happy ending. You just have to be lucky enough to find it.

I didn't think that you'd sell me out
Now I know what you're all about.
You might feel in control of things.
But you're not holding all the strings.

Is There Such A Thing As A Happy Ending? (Part 3)

before reading this part. please read part 1 & part 2. or just scroll down.
--------------------

"Honey let me explain…" began her husband hesitantly.

"I don't think it needs any explaining. Thank you." she said interrupting him.

"Look I just want you to know that it meant nothing to Me." he said with pleading eyes.

"Oh ok. So it's just a dick thing?" she asked.

"Well… yeah, I guess." not knowing what to say.

"You guess… so umm...tell me. How long has...this meaningless affair been going on?" she asked him while at the same time crossed her arms.

"Not long…" he said looking at the ground.

He looked like a school boy who expected to be punished by the principle. She wanted to tell him to grow up. He isn't a boy anymore. She wanted to tell him that he was a man. Getting punished isn't going to be the last of your worries in life. It was always like that with him. He would do anything he wanted and wouldn't take no for an answer. And he wouldn't care about what would happen after doing whatever he wanted.

"That's not good enough, how long?" she asked the floor not wanting to see him.

"I don't know, a couple of months, a year?"

At that she was able to look at him. "A year? You have cheating on me with a twelve year old for a – "she stopped what she was saying when a thought had struck her.

"Ohmigod. Please tell me that you didn't cheat on me because of what happened last year." She begged him to tell her. All of a sudden her eyes started to tear up.

"Please tell I'm wrong. Tell me that it was just a coincidence." she said as she took a couple of steps to stand in front of him. "Is it?" she asked him one more time.

The only answer she got from him was silence.

Suddenly she wasn't upset anymore. She was pissed. And then she slapped him. "You asshole! You insensitive lying asshole!!"

"You cheated on me because I couldn't give you *children*?" her tears were falling on their own now. Her control over her feelings was out the window. And she didn't care anymore. She was hurt. She was humiliated. She was mad. But most of all, she was heartbroken.

All of a sudden the room felt too small. She couldn't breathe. She couldn't stand still. She needed space. She needed to get out of here. To think about what she was going to do. But what she really wanted was to get away from him.

As she walked to the front door. She felt her husband follow her. And he was saying something. She didn't hear what he was saying. She wasn't listening. And her ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton. But some words got through and she heard him saying. "Never do it again… I'm sorry…please…don’t leave … I love you"

As she reached the door. She turned around and held his eyes.

"I love you too. But I don't trust you anymore. And I can't stay married to someone I don't trust, and who's unfaithful."

"Look you can't just leave. We have to talk this through." He said with emotion evident in his voice

"What else is there to talk about? I just… need some space to think…things through.” she said and closed the door.

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, I know it serves me well
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

Is There Such A Thing As A Happy Ending? (Part 2)

please before reading this.. please read the first part. to do that scroll down or follow this link
----------------------------

They stood standing staring at each other. Her husband stood there waiting for his queue to start from her.
Her mind seemed to have frozen. She hoped that this was a sick joke that her husband was playing on her, but it seems that it isn’t.

She was staring at her husband. How could you? She kept thinking that this cannot be happening.

“Maybe I should go…” said the woman turning to get her stuff. She finally took a good look at her. She was very young. She stood with confidence. And she was wet, as if she just got out of the shower. Wearing *my* robe…

“Oh no. Stay. Please stay. Stay as long as you want. Have sex with my husband. Wear my clothes. Eat my food. Oh wait a minute. You already did!” she said with eyes blazing.
“Excuse me?!” said the woman wearing the robe. She took a few steps to her, but the husband reached out his hand and held her arm to keep her from taking another step.
“Look maybe you *should* leave…” finally speaking.
“I will go, As soon as she apologizes...” pointing at her while looking up at him.
“APOLOGIZE?!” she said angrily. “APOLOGIZE!” she repeated. “Apologize for what?”
“Apologize for coming home early and ruining your day or forbidden pleasure *with* my husband? Or do you want me to apologize for what I just said to you?!” she said sarcastically.
“Never mind. I’ll just leave.” She kept looking at the ground as if searching for something, then gave up and went out the door.
“Looking for this?” said she as she held up a pale pink under wired bra.
“Uhh…yes. Thank you” she took a few hesitant steps to her and took the bra. She took the garment and left for the room.
“You can keep the robe. I don’t want it.” She said to her.

And then she left them alone to deal.

“And then there were two.” She said to her husband with hard to read eyes.

Die, withdraw

Hide in cold sweat

Quivering lips

Ignore remorse

Naming a kid, living wasteland

This time you've tried

All that you can turning you red

Is There Such A Thing As A Happy Ending? (Part 1)

She came home early one day, wanting nothing but to go to her bed and sleep. She was beyond tired. She was exhausted. As she opened the door to her house she found her husband in nothing but a towel while drying his hair with another.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work. Is everything ok?" she asked her husband with concern in her voice.
"Uhh… yeah, everything's fine. I just came back dying to take a shower. Aren't you supposed to be at work too?" he asked hesitantly.
"I was, but I got out early." She said as she walked by him heading for their bedroom.
"You alright?" he asked her as he followed her.
"Yeah I'm just tired." She said as she started unbuttoning her suit. With him watching her with a smile on his face.
"What?" she asked curiously.
"You look nice today." He complemented her with a grin that always made her insides melt with love for him.
"So do you." She told him back with a smile.
"But I'm not wearing anything."
"My point exactly." She said with a teasing smile. As she finished wearing her favorite sweats. She heard him chuckle and felt him sitting behind her on the bed.
"Have you seen my robe?" she asked him while searching for it.
"Uhhh... your robe? No, can't say I have." Shifting in his seat uncomfortably.
"Maybe it's in the wash." She said not thinking about it.

As she started to pick up her clothes from the ground, she found something that made her stop what she was doing, and went to pick it up. As she was standing up. She heard a woman say "Babe I didn't find anything good to eat, so maybe we could order some take….out."

And if somehow fate were in my hands

Would it be enough to understand

Why we feel lost in a world so small

If only love could find us all...

so surreal...

i can't believe this is happening.. this is so real... i've never thought this would happen to someone so dear to me..

i'm writing down everything i feel.. no back space i promised that i would write eveything that my fingers type..

i scared..i'm confused.. i'm in denial... i'm frustrated...i'm worried...i'm numb...i'm angry at something i don't even know.

i want to cry...i want to hit something that doesn't exist.. i feel so helpless...i feel so useless.. i want to do something that would make you better.. but there's nothing i can do.. i'm so confused.. this is so surreal.. this can't be happening.... why is this happening? why now? why does this have to happen to someone? why is this happening to you???

i'm so scared.. i'm so lost.. i want to let out my frustration but i don't know HOW!

i just realized how real this is... i've always lived in this bubble where nothing serious would ever happen.. and yet it is happening.. and i don't know what to do..

i want to make you feel better.. but i can't.. everything seems to be happeing in slow motion.. it's not even happening to me and i'm already all over the place... i'm so scared...

this is unbelievable.. i want to cry so bad..but i can't.. i don't know why...i have to be strong..can i for your sake?

eveything is falling apart... it's already happening...

i love you.. you're like my second mother.. please get well..

...i'll pray for you...

And I give it all away

Just to have somewhere

To go to

Give it all away

To have someone

To come home to

How It Goes...

Everything can change at a moment's time. One minute you finally adjust to your new life style, and then the other your world falls apart in front of your eyes. One day you're laughing all happy and warm. Then the other you're in your room crying feeling cold, lost and lonely.

Everybody leaves one way or another. Loved ones turn into strangers. You become a stranger to yourself. You don't even know who you are, where you're from. You see everything in a new light. You feel like you're in a play and you don't know your lines, or you memorized someone else's. Everything seems so robotic. You start thinking about things you never thought you'd think about. You start to feel things you never thought you'd feel. Things that mattered to you in the past seem so pointless. Things that used to make you happy now make you miserable beyond belief.

You start to lose hope. You start to learn. You forget how to smile. You forget the sound of your laughter. You stop planning for the future. You start to feel cold all the time. You stop sleeping, in fear that you might see it happen again in your dreams. You stop staying still, so that you wouldn't think about it, cause if you were busy doing something else. It would be better than sitting down and thinking about it constantly. You'd stop talking about how you feel, scared that if you do you'd burst into tears again. You'd try not to cry, because every time you do it seems that your tears would never stop.

Next thing you know you forget how you were before it all happened. You forget how your life used to be. And when you do remember it all seems naïve – childish, or pointless. You start to have responsibilities, obligations. You'd grow up without even noticing it.

Time keeps ticking, and the world keeps on moving, people start to move on and forget and start living they're lives again. And you're still in that place where you think that your life is a play and you're doing it all wrong.

In one moment your life falls apart and you're left with the pieces all around you, with everybody leaving you to deal with it, expecting you to put it back together on your own and forget.

Just let me hold you while you're falling apart

Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

it's official!!

(caution: this post is a bitch post...which means i'm pissed and i'm going to bitch about everything and everyone that has irritated me..)

it's official!! i am a doormat!!!
apparently i've always been one, but i just realized this little piece of info. while i was sleeping. and WHY do ppl always call you when you're asleep?

oh right. i forgot.... hey kids. how's life?
good? good. now can we get back to me? thanx :)

now back to the subject at hand... how did i figure this out?.. it happened through a series of events

it all started at 6:30 -ish PM. i had just slept for 5 hours and my mr. bean ring tone goes off under my pillow. i pick up the phone to see who it is and it is my *beloved* sister. can you sense the sarcasim??

SITUATION #1:
Me: "Hmmmm..."
Kambi: "Saroonty..?" at this point i'm totally awake... my sister does not call me that unless she wants something..
Me: "Ughhh.. What do you want Kambi?" getting to the point..
Kambi: "NOTHING! 7aram adeg 3ala e5ty 3ashan asolef weyaha?"
Me: "i guess not.."
Kambi: "good. shino kintay nayma?"
Me: "is it obvious?"
Kambi: "la killish... mita nimtay?" she says sarcastically.
Me: "umm.. i think at 1:30 or something.."
Kambi: "OMG!! are you serious?!!" at this point she is screaming so loud i have to take the phone away from my ear so that it doesn't explode..
Me: ".............."
Kambi: "......................"
Kambi: "nimtay?" she asks after a total minute of silence.
Me: "nope" which was a total lie.
Kambi: "good. so anyway.. can you do me a little favor?"
i knew it!! i knew she wanted something!!
Me: "no."
Kambi: "great. i want you to go to my room and......." and she continues to tell me what to do totally ignoring me..
after a couple of minutes of silence
Kambi: "ha wainich?"
Me: "frashy?"
Kambi: "Sarooooh! yala gomay!" didn't she just call me Saroonty a minute ago?
Me: "fine i'm up!"
Kambi: "good.. yala i'll see you later..." click
Me: "you're... welcome?" but i was saying that to my phone.

okay and now here's what happened about half an hour after i finish what my sister told me. and after i sleep for that same amount of time.

SITUATION #2:
phone rings. i look to see who it is. it's my cousin who's sleeping over. i think he's so F%#$ing lazy cause he's in the other room. i pick up anyway. damn my curiousty...

Me: "speak.."
Cousin: "sarooh"
Me: "haa?"
Cousin: "nayma?" why is everybody asking me this question?! i have a right to rest every once in a while..
Me: "eee"
Cousin: "ollah! gomay!"
Me: "shtaby?"
Cousin: "inzain.. wain o5och?"
Me: "the *6oo6* should i know" don't worry he's my age. hehe
Cousin: "ee gomay shofay wainah"
Me: "are you really that lazy tgoom tshoof wainah?"
Cousin: "you ass! ana ib baitnah!"
Me: "ohh"
Cousin: "yalla goomay abee tharoory" he says tharoory like a girl..
Me: "dude that was so gay, it wasn't even funny.."
cousin: "whatever yalla gomay"
Me: "i'm sleeping"
Cousin: "soo?" and this gave me a look like 'oh no he didn't' all i needed to do then was the neck thing with the finger.
Me: "so no."
and then he begs like the little bitch that he is. which makes me wanna kill myself. so i go and look for my brother. i don't find him. i tell him.. he says the most wrong thing EVER! like "gawd you're so useless" which made me promise myself to step on his stomach (ya3ny adoos eb ba6na :P)
and i go back to sleep only to be waken up by our maid declaring dinner is ready. 'bitch i'm asleep why would i want to eat?'

well that's it.
p.s if this doesn't make any sense to you. then you're not the only one who feels that way.

I don't know how I can face this pain

I'll keep it inside so you can't see

I don't think I can go on this way, 'cause it's not me

I pinch...

LOL!
'I want to pinch'
I love that crab! hehehe

did you ever think that you could be this rich?

did you ever think that you would have these hits?